Motivation

mo·ti·va·tion
/ˌmōdəˈvāSH(ə)n/

noun, adverb, sometimes a kick in the ass

Word Origin:
Moti – from the Greek politician Motissimo who was a sex addict, drunk and Senator.
He was know for having 3 wives, 6 mistresses, and a male concubine, he would visit on a daily basis.   He got very little done as a politician. (obviously things haven’t changed much)

Vation – from the Greek word “invasion”, which means go where you’re not invited.

So when you put the word Moti-vation together it means:

     A drunk, sex addicted asshole screwing everything in sight.

Never a spare moment in Motissimo’s life. He was “truly Motissivated”

Do you really want to be “motivated”?

Let me be blunt…

“Let me be blunt”: This usually means that someone is about to tell you something you’re not going to like -or- agree with.  What they think is the absolute truth is only THEIR version of the facts. THEIR version of reality.

“Let me be blunt” is a phrase leading to a statement, leading to an emotion, leading to a feeling that you may not like or want to deal with.

I DON’T want anyone to be blunt to me.  Sugar coat it, don’t tell me the absolute truth. Please don’t make me feel bad. It’s already been a tough day.

Of course, if it’s your MOM, you have no choice. (Yes mom, I know you only want the best for me…) But when complete strangers write anonymous comments???? WTF

Problem is, there are so many places online to be blunt these days, that the temptation is just too great.

I know, I should have thicker skin (which I write about in another post), but, I can’t help myself.

A thousand people can love and worship what I do, but if just one negative comment shows up, it feels like a thousand paper cuts.

Anything that can make me roll up into a fetal position is not welcome in my world.

What can I say?

I know… “Let me blunt”: “Keep it to yourself.”

Fun vs Funny

I think I’m more funny than fun.

Would it kill me not to be so funny all the time?

It almost did one night.

I was invited to a party in Los Angeles, and seated at a table with two of my comedic idols: Dom Deluise and Dick Van Patten – both of who star in my favorite Mel Brooks movies.

Everyone at the table was captivated by Dom, who had a very large presence, and an equally large sense of humor. He was the delight of the table.

Suddenly there was a short lull in the conversation, and I took the opportunity to tell a joke. Not just any joke, but the best one-liner that “kills” every time I tell the story.

Everyone listened intently. I had them right where I wanted them.

…And then it was time for the punch line. I look around the table, and everyone was ready.

Here it comes…. I said the punch line.

And nothing.

All eyes went to Dom Deluise to see if the joke had his approval. Again, nothing, nada, bubkus.

I began to slide down the chair and under the table in pure unadulterated embarrassment.

This joke works EVERY TIME, but tonight.

Then Dom just starts telling another story, and the table energizes again.

I wasn’t funny. I WASN’T FUNNY. I bombed. I sucked!

The Moral: Don’t try to compete with the big dogs. You’re never as funny as you think you are.

And the joke:

A man comes home and finds his best friend in bed with his wife.
He says: “John, I have to, BUT YOU????”

Braggin’ about your life

Why can’t I rave about “things” when “things” are going well.

Why is it socially incorrect to brag?
• I lost 10 lbs.  – let me tell you how I did it.
• My daughter got an award at school – I’m so proud
• I made a big sale at work – here’s how I crushed all the customers’ concerns
• My boss made a dumb mistake – If it were me…
• Do you know how much money I have in the bank? – here’s my bank stmt
• I had the greatest sex of my life last night – Let me show you my “new move”
• I had the best BM yesterday.  OK,.. I get it.  I’ll stop here.

 

Ken

Mr. Optimum’s Blog is here

This is the first of many posts…

You’ll excuse me for using a caricature of myself as the “blog mascot”.  I’ve always had trouble holding my head up straight (ask my mother),, and finding sunglasses to fit on my humongous head…

But… I do know how to get a point across.

Comments are welcome. But – keep the bad ones to yourself… Ha! like that would ever happen…

The purpose of this blog is simple.  I’m trying to empty my head of dozens of stories, thousands of ideas, and millions of random thoughts.

Well… Aren’t we all?

Enjoy,

MrOptimum