comedy – MrOptimum

George Carlin – “Wet Paint”

“Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you.

Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”

– George Carlin

You wouldn’t believe where I find inspiration.

In order of importance:

– toilet

– shower

– bed

– driving

– during a root canal

– 3rd drink at a bar

– toilet (I go alot)

I need all the inspiration I can muster. I’m tired of sucking at life.

…but I’m still trying to improve, and find something inspirational every freak’n day.

MrOptimum

Mr. Optimum Blog - Graphic - 2

I only had $20 bucks in my pocket yesterday, and I realized I didn’t have enough money to drink AND uber to and from the bar.

So, I ubered it one way – drank until I blacked out – and took an ambulance home…

I don’t have time for this.

…I got stuff to do.

Why is this taking so much of my time?

…I got stuff to do.

Whose idea was this, anyway?

…I got stuff to do.

Wait, this IS part of the stuff I got to do.

Yeah, but I’m not getting paid to do this.

So what. You’re not any good at it anyway.

Ok, if you feel that way, I’ll just publish the password and you can go in and erase every word.

Don’t tempt me – I got other stuff to do…

Sometimes I’m the canary, and sometimes I’m the shaft.

Today is one of those days that the canary died AND I got the shaft.

One of my largest customers with more than 100 stores filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy, leaving me with a sizable unpaid balance.

I’ll be fine, and so will my company. But the array of things, good & bad, that happen on a daily basis never ceasees to amaze me.

Some days everything is “SO SMOOTH”. Almost effortless.

And some days, not so much. This was one of those “not so much days.”

I feed that damn canary every single day, play with it, sing to it, and clean up after it.

And what happens, it goes and dies, keels over to be found lifeless on the bottom of the cage.

I’m pretty sick of this metaphor now, so suffice it to say:

“NO MORE PETS”

MrOptimum